It’s Thursday again! No Fear!! Except that they forgot I was in back and went without me. I was coding so I didn’t disengage until the lights went out three-quarters of the way through my audit. Dinner was an 11pm six-inch steak sub from Sheetz. It used to be that I could eat a 12-inch, large bag of chips, and a liter cola and still be hungry… not so much anymore.We have been doing this blog for about a week now and a common theme seems to have popped up. There are a lot of apologies or guilt about what we’re making, a lot of disappointed language about the meals we create, or more specifically, the shortcuts we take. I noticed it in one of my canned dinner nights…
I pay a great deal of attention to language. The words we choose to use and not use can be as subtle and glaring as body language. I suffer from social anxiety and I am awkward in the company of strangers. I focus on these queues in body and speech consciously largely because I miss them if I’m not paying attention.
While I wouldn’t say that I suffer from depression, I will say that I live with it. It’s fairly mild and I can recognize its voice more often than not. I relate a lot of things to games… Depression is like my live-in buddy, shit-talking my gameplay while it’s my turn.
I hear it when I make the canned food. Even though I like the taste of the ravioli, I fell guilty about making it. It’s like I’m not doing enough, or doing it right. I didn’t spend an hour doing prep (even though I didn’t have that hour to spend…) or I didn’t spend a huge amount on fresh groceries ( I buy the cans at $1… even though I know I can get more volume from individual ingredients for the same price, dealing with packaging and storing leftovers and cleanup is it’s own hassle). I am trying to decide that no matter the ‘quality’ of food, the act of putting food on the table is a good thing. By eating, I am choosing to live (and quell the discomfort that is hunger). By living, I get to see what interesting thing happens tomorrow.