January 15: Paleo Burgers Mean Lettuce Buns

Paleo burgers mean a lettuce bun. And yes, cavemen totally ate baked turmeric yam fries.

Paleo burgers mean a lettuce bun. And yes, cavemen totally ate baked turmeric yam fries.

Okay, Whole 30, day 9? I think. Here’s how I spent it: HUNGRY. I kept waiting to get hangry, but I didn’t. Just hungry. Uber was doing a big fundraiser in Seattle, during which they sent personal trainers out to anyone who paid $30 for a 15-minute session. I suspect that most people did it for the “free” stuff they got for their $30: A bunch of fresh squeezed juice, a stainless steel water bottle and one of those fitness tracker band thingies. But they also got me (or one of my cohorts) spending 15-minutes with them either giving them a solid workout (I’m a CrossFit trainer, 15 minutes is LONG for me) or working on goal-setting and general inspiration. The latter is what most people seemed to want from me.

I had, intelligent human with a voracious appetite that I am, filled my bags with my usual snacks: Epic bars, Happy Tots, Nuts and Larabars (which are pure sugar, despite being all fruit, and only come out in times of emergency.) But we went from one place to another without stopping the whole day. So I didn’t eat.

Also, I was in the car with a beauty queen (yes, really, she wore a sash and everything) and our Ethiopian driver. So I kinda woulda felt rude snarfing down my meat candy bars (not a sex joke) in the back seat (sounding more like a sex joke,) while they made awkward small talk. (Think about that for a minute: man from one of the poorest nations on the planet and a beauty queen in a sash. And me in the backseat. Yup.)

I actually had a great time. I LOVE that feeling when I know I’ve connected with someone and helped them find their own magic. It’s awesome. That gave me a lot of fuel that would usually require calories.

Anyway….  thus sped the day. By the time it was over I was starving. Then I found out my mothers-in-law were coming over, and had to make some quick and easy decisions about the quickest way to get the most possible food on the table for 7 people before I caved in and ate the cats or something.

Burgers. Always a winner. 100% Grass Fed beef, all the fixin’s. Lettuce for a bun, which I actually prefer to a “real” bun at this point because I love the crunch, texture and brightness of lettuce to set off the glorious depth of sustainably raised carnage. Plus, since I barely cook mine at all, it just releases a lot of juice, and the lettuce catches it so I can slurp it up with each delicately graceful bite. So much better than a soggy bun that begins to look uncomfortably like a used tampon if you don’t eat it fast enough. (This is why I’ll never be allowed to be a real food writer.)

Now, fries weren’t happening for that many people and that quickly, (though I often do make fries) so I did baked yam spears with garlic and turmeric. They inspired moaning from all.

So there ya have it. Dinner for 7 in about 40 minutes, mostly because I kept messing around online while I was cooking.

Boom, Whole 30, day 9, in the bag.

___

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