January 31: Pizza Bake That is NOT Pizza, At All

This is not pizza. It is not anything like pizza. It's good, but it's sure as shit not pizza.

This is not pizza. It is not anything like pizza. It’s good, but it’s sure as shit not pizza.

I forgot to take a picture of what we had for dinner, so I’m posting this one off of someone else’s Web site. It seems like everyone in our Whole 30 Challenge is eating this and talking about how awesome it is, so, well, i hate to be left out, (not true, I more hate to be included,) so I made it. Sure, it was fine. Actually, it was fucking delicious, (I added Kalamata Olives and Sun Dried Tomatoes and tons of garlic and onions and…) but it was not anything like Pizza. Calling it “Pizza Pie” is absurd. “Pizza Bake” is what most people I know call it, and that’s kind of like calling a glass of milk “liquid ice cream.” It’s just NOT. And this would have tasted better had it just been sold as “squash casserole,” because that’s what it was. Instead, the whole time, I was just all like, “this is not pizza.” But it is good. It’s just not pizza.


January 29: Steak and truffle butter, with veggies

Gamey steak with dreamy truffles.

Gamey steak with dreamy truffles.

This would be “the usual,” if a friend of mine hadn’t just had a monstrous haul of white truffles from Oregon. I’ll be making a bunch of Truffle Butter, but tonight just grated one little one and mixed with some ghee for Whole 30 complaint “truffle butter.” Truffle Ghee…. It made a less-than-awesome steak downright decadent.

The steak was left from a cow that we bought, and, I dunno, it wasn’t aged long-enough, I think. Just a little gamey for my taste….  And honestly, I’m tired. And I want to finish writing an article about poop. And one about fun things to do with penises. So I’m gonna do that.

January 28: Salmon and Salad Bar

Salad bar. Again.

Salad bar. Again.

Celia’s lifting gym is nestled a million miles from our house, but conveniently between two hippie-style grocery stores. I know there are a lot of people who hate Whole Foods, but they have the best damned salad bar in the universe. And when I was sitting in a coffee shop writing about poop (literally) for two hours, and then caught the last hour of Celia lifting insanely heavy things, someone’s gotta cook dinner. And by someone, I mean someone who works at Whole Foods. I made a huge salad with greens, egg, roasted garlic, roasted artichoke hearts, roasted squash, green onions and probably some other stuff….. Broiled a salmon filet super quick when I got home and BOOM, awesome dinner. And with that, nailed day 22 of the Whole 30 Challenge. And now I’m going to bed, because I was at the gym at 5:00 am. (Again, I ask, who the hell works out that early??????)

January 27: Braised Pork Roast and Things

pork nd squashAaaaand, I’m obsessed with pressure cookers. As in, I got another one. The one I have (that was given to me by may favorite chief that Brady has had,) is big enough to bathe a toddler in. So I got a newborn size. And tonight, they were both churrtling away on the stove. One with chicken stock (which I gave away because I have TOO MUCH STOCK) and one with a citrus braised pork roast.  Continue reading

January 25: Zucchini Pasta and Meat Sauce

Oddles of zoodles as noodles (for poodles who are very rudels.)

Oddles of zoodles as noodles (for poodles who are very rudels.)

Short and sweet because I have a lot of work to do still….. I think I’m finally not sick anymore, which is awesome. It’s day 19 of our Whole 30, so we’re pretty cleanly in the zone and groove….  Tonight was classic meaty pasta sauce, but instead of putting it on spaghetti squash we put it on Zucchini noodles. Why? because things that are long and curly taste better. It’s been scientifically proven. The meat sauce will get eaten for days – if you eat it alone in a bowl, be sure to call it “Italian Chili,” because that’s way sophisticated.

January 24: Vietnamesish Lettuce Cups

Whole 30 Vietnamesish Lettuce Cups, with Sriracha of LOVE.

Whole 30 Vietnamesish Lettuce Cups, with Sriracha of LOVE.

Sometimes you build a meal around a condiment. Especially if it’s a condiment that is a mind-bogglingly good Whole 30 compliant version of Sriracha, that is made by one of the most awesome humans on the planet, without whom your life would simply not be complete. That is how we wound up eating these incredibly delicious Vietnamesish Lettuce Cups for dinner.

Super simple, if you do a little advance prep.

INGREDIENTS: Continue reading

January 23: Homemade Turkey Soup and Paleo Crackers

Yes, it's all Whole 30 complaint, and the cracker recipe is in here...

Yes, it’s all Whole 30 complaint, and the cracker recipe is in here…

I am sick. Day 2 now, but unlike yesterday, was able to get out of bed to do some cooking. Broke the pressure cooker out again, and made a bang-up turkey stock in about an hour that probably would have taken almost 24 the old way. (I am starting to regret the time of my life that was spent without a pressure cooker.)

But I was actually pretty hungry by this evening. (Unlike this morning, when a single piece of bacon made me want to puke for hours.) So I needed some crackers to go with it for a little more substance. Paleo crackers are soooooo easy. I pay very little attention to details when I cook, but I’ve got these crackers pretty well dialed. All measurements are my best guess… Continue reading